Loading ...With membership packs hitting mail boxes around the country, fans are finding that the Richmond Football Club has got on the front foot and will be providing them with cheap merchandise that they can actually use.
Speaking in front of a disturbingly artificial smell, Group Customer Manager for Membership, Tatiana Tatts, said that the club recognised, “that the year will be a long difficult and long one and we’ll be doing our best to help the next 6 or so months to pass as easily as possible.
“The Merchandise pack for Reserve Seating 18 Members will include a seat (necessarily), headphones, earphones, phonebones and a pack of tranquilliser darts to throw at fellow Reserve Seating 18 Members who won’t shut up about the players not being able to play like the top -4 side that they clearly aren’t – we’re rebuilding for crissakes. We considered something for the Tigers out there who like to self-medicate but the only factory in China that makes Zoloft cheap enough also does Viagra and we’d hate to mix pills. Frankly, cracking a fat when you are 56 points down in the 3rd quarter sends the wrong message.
“All lanyards will be very very easy to break so that fan’s aren’t tempted to top themselves.
“The Kids Pack, while containing mostly pictures of Brett Delidio in Tigers kit, will contain Lids photoshopped into the kits of various other teams because he’s sure as shit not going to be here next year, so this’ll help the kids get used to it.
“All merchandise packs will contain a special Mask Of Shame for Tiger fans to place over their heads to wear to work or school or hospital or the shrink the next day. We’ll also be providing mini-mp3 players with past games that we’ve won permanently embedded.”
The packs were approved by the board last year.